Not really!  I mean....it is chaos, but when you think about it, it's so much more than that.

I have had the privilege of spending time with some brand new women.  For those of you who know me well, you know that I don't have a real comfort "social" zone, so it is hard for me to jump in there and sit with a group of total strangers who are digging deeper than a starbucks coffee break!

How I got there was still a bit of a puzzle to me, but I have learned not to question the journey much from past experiences.  Since Elena died, I have always found myself on a bit of a spiritual quest in search of the neverending, "WHYS.  Now don't worry!  I'm not going off on some tangent about God or beliefs that may not be shared by some, but the lesson learned is the topic (Reflections of Chaos).

I sat with a group of mostly strangers, and we talked about our common stressors and goals.  Everyone talked, as I listened intently.  My usual way, or should I say, "my old way", is to point out how everything they say is somehow the same as my stress (as if they are stealing it from me!) or mine is somehow worse!  This day, I listened because I didn't know most of these people.  Yet the strange thing was, we were all basically talking about the same thing.  We all had "chaos."  Each of us had our own issues, yet there was this common thread of strength. 

As we all face these times of uncertainty and challenge, it is easy to look back and most of us can find a similar time in our life.  It is through the adversity that you find your strength, and learn new things about yourself!  How profound!  I know that is written on a refridgerator magnet somewhere, but truthfully speaking, it was my own revelation today.  Remember, I am the one who was asked to leave Compassionate Friends because I was too angry!!

I wasn't looking at these women and putting myself before them.  I was looking at them all and hoping for their strength.  The chaos in my life has been often.  I can say that I wouldn't repeat most of it, if given the chance.  Yet, if I look closely enough, I know that it is through those times that I can define who I am today.  I sat there, a person with many imperfections and flaws, yet the strength of what some would call an army.  Where it came from was so obvious to me.  Elena's life, in its short duration, gave me the strength and courage to look at others in a selfless way.  What is that worth, if you could buy that trait in a character store?  She taught me that you cannot buy character, but you sure can build it. 

I looked at those women in admiration.  The way they were there, encouraged, and hopeful, looking for their own strengths, through their own chaos.

I wish for them the ability to reflect soon, on how this time gave them strength and unity.  I wish for them, a short duration of discomfort.  I know that there is much still to learn, and even sitting here typing, and erasing, and re-typing, I learn how changed a person I am. 

Thanks Elena.  Thanks strange girls....I mean, strange as in, "I don't know you" strange...not strange, the other strange.

Happy Hump Day!  (Orange in celebration of Elena's favorite color).

Lots of exciting stuff happened this week!  Read on my friends!!  I love babbling and blogging!!

Jen

As you can see, we are getting things in order, and still adding the fine tuning!  I wanted to make a comment about the sponsors portion, although I know we did note it earlier.  Our sponsors portion is awaiting links from some of our sponsors, and also reformatted ads or links to fit the new dimensions of the site!  The NEW YORK YANKEES Organization and Mr. Steinbrenner, have been with us since the very beginning.  In fact, when Elena was ill, they were so generous, and perhaps the most humble, people I have ever met.  This year, they are our Presenting Sponsor for our Gala and continue to work with us to make sure we succeed during these difficult times!  Crabby Bills Seafood Restaurant continues to sponsor EVERY year, and assist with all of our events.  We will be adding the sponsors to the site, and also featuring them a bit in our site, to help introduce them, and what is important to them, as we continue to set up.  We have over 17 sponsoring organizations!  That is one heck of a number folks!!  We love them all!!   If you visit a sponsor, you get KARMA points!!  (You are going to be so sick of Karma points by the time I'm done!!)  Bring us a shrimp shell from Crabby's and you get 100 Karma points!!  I'M KIDDING!!!  Thanks to all of them. They are the best!!

You just have to be excited about this moment!  Our new website AND we are on TV tonight!  Channel 10, tenconnects, and it is a long story!!  They are wonderful by the way, and did a story on Elena when she visited Rosie O'Donnell and brought her tap shoes!  It is true what they say about the tv though.  I really am a size 1! We are also being considered for a prime time screening, so say a prayer if you do! 

I can't help but think about the courageous young girl who brought me here.  I spent some time going through some of the other sites dedicated to these young children who fight this horrible disease.  Although almost 6, Elena was wise beyond her time.  I listen to these parents describe their children, as I do my own....warriors.  I try not to focus on the physical attributes shared like their enormous weight gains, distorted, bloated faces from steroids and those stretch marks they overlooked when begging for that never-ending bite of food their tiny bodies craved.  How do you answer your child when they ask you, "Why?"  This, I do not know.  I DO know that this small child, fought hard and never thought about herself.  She would have me push her wheelchair down the halls of the hospital, and in sign language, tell me to ask which child what they needed.  She knew who did not have a parent with them.  She wanted her best friend, Alyx, to have everything she couldn't.  Alyx, a beautiful teenager, living her life, touched always by the memory of her dear friend.

I don't ask the questions in anger anymore.  I wasted enough time doing that.  I look at my 3 beautiful children, and I am thankful for one more day.  I don't go to bed angry, and I say "I love You" even when they spill vinegar all over the floor for an "experiment" they decided to do on a Sunday morning at 7 AM!  (It sitll stinks by the way!)

This blog will bring you updates about our mission, and you can earn Karma points by reading and posting!  I just love that concept!  We are having fun coming up with the list of fun things to earn!

I will also post items to the auction as the days wind down!  Our auction has become famous for the items, and people call me everyday to see if we got anything "new or exciting."  So far, over 200 items!!  Watch for our new updates and earn those points!!

Thank you all for joining us, as you are all here as friends, or people interested in this cause.  Regardless of the reason, I am happy you are here.  To the parents that share this job that has become one of building a legacy, I say to you, "How lucky that we were the ones chosen to guide these children through their lives.  I wouldn't trade the experience, despite the outcome."

To Elena I say, "I'm working on it, I'm working on it!"  I'm sure she has a list, as she always did, of things for me to do!

Marty, Nol and Llisiana, who shared Gracie with me tonight in our story, and forever in my heart...I love you.  Gracie, I can only say (          l          ).   (I taught her, mistakenly, how to text a butt one day....she sent me back a rather large one pointing out that it was mine!!) 

Sending love and peace out to all of you!!  Jen

 None of what the Elena Tresh Foundation does would be possible without the generous financial support of our sponsors and friends.

In these trying economic times, it is important to remember that there is always suffering far greater than having to keep the same tired vehicle one year longer than we would like or maybe getting by with less than we have grown accustomed.  If you can't give, you can still help causes like ours by supporting the businesses that give generously!

Thanks!